Friday, 27 August 2010

The beliefs of a right wing repuglican.

I believe all life is sacred. So doctors who do things I don't approve of deserve to die. And "life" doesn't include anyone who is a criminal, unless they believe in my god and my holy book and shout it loudly enough, in which case they aren't really criminals but tragic, good people who have been corrupted by Democrats.

I believe absolutely in freedom of choice. Except for pregnant women. And poor people. After all, God will provide, so if they were better Christians they wouldn't be poor. And the women would have penises, because Jesus had a penis.

W is a genius. I mean Hell, I can't even SPELL misunderestimate.

If you said "Hell" like that, it would make you a blasphemer.

I believe every word in the bible is literally true. Now, there are lots of bits I haven't read, like that one that says pi=3 (whatever that means) or the one where God says insects have four legs and bats are birds. And there might be something about slaves having to obey their masters and the rightness of raping female prisoners of war. But my pastor hasn't told me about any of those, so they don't exist.

I believe in freedom of religion: everyone is perfectly free to believe all the things I do.

I believe in freedom of speech. So if I say something it's my right and if you criticise it you are denying me my rights. And when I criticise the stuff YOU say, well obviously it's my right under freedom of speech.

Everyone should speak English. If it's good enough for Jesus it's good enough for everyone else, and I know Jesus spoke English because I've read what he said in my bible.

All men are equal. But women aren't men. So they're not equal to men. And Jesus was white (I've seen the movie) so really it means white men.

Love thy neighbor. All my neighbors believe exactly the same stuff I do, so of course you don't have to love anyone who doesn't believe exactly the same stuff I do, in fact if you do you're a pervert.

You're probably a pervert anyway.

Allowing people who aren't like me to get married to just anyone they want to marry would mean millions more people getting married, and obviously that would destroy marriage.

Getting shot never did anyone any harm.

Sarah Palin and Dr. Laura are honorary men.

THOU shalt not.